on my own

We are all alone.

We can try to fool ourselves, but in the end of the day, we are alone. And no one actually cares how you are feeling, so what's the point?

I don't know long I can take this.

All I want is this to be over. I want to stop living this lie, living in  a "family" just for the society. What is it worth for if it's not true, if there is no feeling, if no one is there for you?

You be surrounded by people and still be alone.

Oh the birthday curse....

... and my birthday is coming. But what does that mean?

Like, of course it means that the day I was born is getting close, but why do I he that feeling?

And no, it's not about the age. First, because I'm still young. And second, because even when I'll not be so young I will still think I am. Anyway, I usually the person that loves birthdays and that wants everybody to celebrate it. I see it as very special day for the person, it's a new year that's beginning. I always try to be on the birthday party (dinner, lunch, whatever...). Except when it's in another city and I really can't be there. 

The problem is when in MY BIRTHDAY. During the years I had so many bad experiences that I just started to be afraid of celebrating tat special moment, it started to be a sad day. Let me explain, when I was very young (5 years old), I lost my father. No, it wasn't on my birthday and I even had many happy birthdays, or about 10-15 years. But the lost of such an important person to me made me feel alone, and that's basically something that  feel until these days and it's what pushes me through life, it's what makes want to do things by myself. 

However, a few years ago, the birthday thing started. After a few time not making big celebrations I decided to celebrate on my favorite place, I invited my friends, my family, my BF at the time. And almost no one showed up. My code friends at the time didn't go, but I was trilled to see an internet friend there, it just meant the world to me. To make it worse, my godparents decided to leave before the happy birthday because they didn't like the place. And that was the first time, I was in the happiest place in world feeling the saddest I could ever feel.

From that day on, I just got used to not having people on my birthday, for mnymany times my fried weren't there, my godparents either and even my BF at the time missed it. But from what I see, everyone should celebrate such a special day surrounded by the people you love and that love you back. So can you see where I'm going with this?

I already saw I little bit of who is coming and who isn't and I keep having that loneliness feeling all over again. As I'm writing I started to see, that it is definitely something to work on, but what exactly? 

Should I learn even more how to be alone? should I learn how to make more friends?

Today, Prem Baba's flower of he day really inspired me. It said that if you're feeling alone and disconnected, than that's the results of a barrier of hurt and resentment, it a result of being attached to the past. And maybe that's exactly what I need to work on.

So another birthday is coming and another celebration. And my wish is to forget the past and start fresh!

PS. My bday is only on the 22nd.

See you again sometime,

Sol Prado.

What can you do?

What do you do when can't do anything?

Let me explain, during the last few yeas I started changing my lifestyle. I became a healthier person with good eating habits, exercising and with a good mindset.

The thing is when you start feeling so good about your change you want others to feel like that too. But you can't change bother unless they really want to.

But what do you do, if you see that someone close is just losing it? If you that the person just don't have enough will power to go against the bad habits? What do you do when you can't do anything?

The worst thing is the need to watch that?

Rambling, questioning, trying to figure it out

And then you change something. You have a shift on your conscience and yet you don't know exactly what changed. Something did. But, what? What if you realized something that other people didn't? What do you do? How to distinguish if it is something of a higher level of consciousness or if it's just or ego talking?


How to know if it's true or if it's just your mind talking out lout?

Once I had this class about the difference of emotions and feelings and it was said that emotions came from the mind while feelings were the union of emotions and thoughts. Somehow that was supper clear to me. But now, how to differentiate one from another when to you're in the middle of the process?

I never really got it why people said that it wasn't ewe wise to take any decisions i in the middle of the process. Now I know. Better, I truly understand.

On the bright side, I didn't have to take any huge decisions these days but still, there are so many questions.


They say a trip can be a life changing experience, specially if you're on that journey alone. I guess I wasn't prepared for that much change, even though I don't know exactly what changed. Maybe, just maybe I might know what changed but what makes me more curious is not knowing how it happened exactly.

Guess I have a lot to meditate on.

Let's continue on the path and see what we can find.

NAMASTE!

Sometimes vs Always

Sometimes you can feel trapped.
Sometimes you can feel like someone is better.
Sometimes you even feel like you're less than others.
But then you can always feel the sun on your skin, the snow, the rain...
You can see the waterfalls or a sunset on a beach.
And with all the beauty that always surrounds you,
You can always be grateful!